going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
