I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
