i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
