i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
