whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
