Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
