you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
