Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What a dumb baby whore.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
