Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
