can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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