What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
