Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
