I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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