remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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