I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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