My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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