just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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