Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
