do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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