I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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