It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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