If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
