I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
