I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
