I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
...so i touched it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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