I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
