Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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