i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Let's paint friendship bongs
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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