the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
