three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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