At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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