I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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