Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
