i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
