Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
