If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
