'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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