I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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