Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
