So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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