I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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