Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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