Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
