i jhust puked up my retainher.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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