I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
