remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
