i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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