Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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