i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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