How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
