I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
