please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
the raccoons are back...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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