everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
