I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
